For those of you who don't know me, I'm a writer. I live to write. So today I'm going to talk a little bit about what writing is like for me.
When people talk about hearing voices in their heads I know what they mean. I am surrounded by many friends inside my head. And yet it does not feel inside of me. When I get locked away in that inner space it suddenly widens and opens until I have been completely transported into their world. I can see them, I can talk to them, I watch them live their lives and I live it with them. And I have no control over what happens to them. Some writers seem to actually have some say in their stories. I do not. My characters just take over and do their own thing and I have to sit back and watch. I feel as though I am only reading the book when truly I am writing it. I never know what is going on even moments before I write it. And the friends I have made writing are very dear to me. I've watched them struggle and thrive and fail and mature and grow in their faith in the Lord. We've grieved the deaths of loved ones together and together we have been overjoyed at the birth of children. Sometimes, despite the fact that I know they aren't real, they feel as close as family.
Sometimes when I write I am at the computer, furiously typing. Sometimes I am sitting on my bed with a pencil and a notebook writing until my thumb is bruised and I have a dent in my finger. Sometimes I pace and pace, dreaming up a story in my head. At those times it unfolds like a movie playing in my mind. Often when I am completely engrossed in the story inside my head I will respond to something someone in my head says or does. I will say something or gasp or groan and suddenly be brought back to reality by that. If this happens when I am with people they either laugh at me or stare at me as though I am insane. I cannot help it. Sometimes I feel like I am really there and it is not until I speak aloud to the people inside me that I remember it is only a dream. Many times I do not hear what people say to me because I am lost in the world in my head. I'm plotting against the Sheriff of Nottingham or cuddling a baby in Africa and I have no idea what is going on around me. People may sometimes be frustrated when I do not hear or comprehend what they say and they have to repeat it to me. I am sorry, but I have no control over this. When I am in my head I forget about the world around me entirely. The pictures inside my head are most clear when it is dark around me. Often my little sister or my mother will find me pacing in a dark room and wonder what is wrong with me. I will also listen to loud music as I dream. The music drowns out the voices and noises of the real world so I can be totally lost in my own world without being distracted and brought back to reality.
I could not live without writing. It's as vital to me as breathing. And it is so much fun!