Sunday, June 29, 2014

Rebel

This past week, the whole week long, nearly every moment of the day, I've been struggling. Struggling because I wanted to do my own thing, I wanted to follow my own rules and I was having a difficult time surrendering to Jesus. This whole week I have been on the brink of rebellion, precariously close to shaking my fist in the face of my Creator. Because I wanted to be my own person. But this last week has been so rough, so...I don't know. I've just be extremely unhappy. And now that I've decided to come back into the fold so to speak, life just looks so much brighter.

The road is beginning to smooth out again, and I'm more in line with His will and wishes now. Life is very hard when I try to make my own path...

We're still working through my issues, I'm not a saint all of a sudden, but just letting Him have control over my life again has filled me with such peace. :)

Friday, June 27, 2014

Missing Window

My window broke a few days ago in a storm that came through. The noise of it was very loud and then there was glass everywhere to clean up and rain flying into my room (which terrified that cat...) and it was all rather a mess.

It didn't take long for my brother to cover up my window. But it is taking much longer for my brain to register the fact that I don't have a window. Out of habit, I often 'glance out my window' and it takes a few seconds to realize that I'm not seeing the backyard at all. I'm staring at a pink wall. And at night as I used to lay in bed waiting for sleep I would often look up at the stars and moon out my window. Doing that the last few nights has been weird. Because I stare at darkness and think, "Is there is storm out there?"...oh wait. I don't have a window.

I am not the only one unable to adjust to the missing window. The cat, Bandit, is very perturbed. I find her constantly sniffing at the pink wall that used to be a window. Occasionally she'll cautiously lift a paw and swat it. At other times I've come in to the room to see her scratching at the poor wall of pink as though her life depended on it. Hearing the birds chirruping outside in the mornings drives her insane, because she can't watch them as she used to.

I don't know why I'm telling you all of this...


Saturday, June 21, 2014

Near The End...Sort Of

Well, folks, I am nearing the completion of my largest novel in progress for the second time. Yes, I have finished this novel once before. Not too many months ago. But I began the editing process which then turned into a sort of 'rewrite the whole novel' process and now we're nearly done for the second time. (Not quite, but close)

I'm eager to be done. Honestly. This is the first book in a series and I am dying to know where the story is going to lead. I have no idea what is in store for my characters, and right along with them, I really want to know what their futures hold. I don't know why I am posting this on my blog...but I've been restless to finish book one so I can start book two so I can actually know what's going to happen that I just had to tell someone, somewhere, what was bursting inside of me.

The first time I finished this novel I felt extremely accomplished. It was the very first FINISHED book I'd ever written and I was so pleased. (And it had taken me six years to write!) This time it doesn't really feel so...momentous. I've been here before, for one thing. I've already 'finished' this book before. And also, it's not the end of the story. It's hardly even the beginning of the story so I don't feel accomplished, I just feel like I've skimmed the first few pages of a story and now I have to read the rest. And I probably will not feel accomplished for years to come, until the whole story is finally written.

I have a strange mixture of excitement at being 'almost done' and also a burning desire to ACTUALLY finish, the WHOLE story. It's like, half of me thinks I'll be done soon, very soon, when I get to the end of this novel. And the other half is staring at the blank future thinking this story is never ending, there are too many books in this series to even begin to think I'm 'almost done'.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

My First Devo

Hello, readers! I am officially back. :) Actually, I got back from my trip on Sunday evening, and slept most of yesterday and what I did not sleep I spent in front of the TV watching Little Dorrit. (By the way, that's an AMAZING story!)

So, several things. First of all, the trip was amazing. There were long, tiring days of competition, and long, exhilarating evenings of sand volleyball and lots of laughter and jokes and a few tears...I had a blast. Also, I had to give a devotion on this trip, and I've never really written or given a devotion before so it was on the verge of nerve-wracking. In fact, the entire week I was biting my nails in fear. But it went fine, and I did enjoy writing it. So, because I can, I'm going to share it here.

I chose for my topic God's faithfulness. I know it has been so evident to me in my own life, especially for the past two years when my life basically fell apart and I was so ill I could do nothing except sleep. (and I did a lot of that). He never left my side. And He's always been faithful each day, each moment, to give me the strength and energy I need, to love me, to bless me with His joy and peace despite my circumstances. He is forever faithful. Psalm 89:1 says "I will sing of the lovingkindness of the Lord forever, to all generations I will make known Thy faithfulness with my mouth." That is how I feel. I want to share His faithfulness, make it known to the world. Lamentations 3:23b says "Great is Thy faithfulness." Because He IS faithful and His faithfulness IS great and I would say that it is like His peace, it passes all understanding. God is faithful no matter what, in all things. Because we believe in His faithfulness we have confidence in Him that He will do all He has promised for us. Resting in His faithfulness we can trust He will see us safely through. 2 Thessalonians 3:3 says, "But the Lord is faithful and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one." We ARE safe in His hands. Knowing God is faithful gives me the courage to face each day. One of my favorite verses about God's faithfulness is Psalm 36:5 which says, "Thy lovingkindness, O Lord, extends to the heavens, Thy faithfulness reaches to the skies." He is so faithful. I can't even tell you the amount of times He has proven Himself faithful to me. His faithfulness is my rock in my hard times and I hope it will be a comfort to you as well.

There you have it. That was my devotion. Shorter than some, but I liked it.

On a completely different note, I've been doing some work/research so I can get my novels published. So be watching for updates on that. :)

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

The Silence is Coming (Be warned! LOL)

It's been a rough couple of days. I've been feeling under the weather a bit and sleeping constantly. However, I have managed to do some substantial studying for my upcoming Bible Bowl trip. Speaking of, I will be gone on that trip for nine days so there will be a pause in blogging, friends. (Stop cheering, you're supposed to be sad :D)

Anyway, this is just a quick update to inform you of the coming silence, readers. Don't get bored and go away, I promise I will come back. :)  I'm not leaving for a few days more, so you might be blessed with another post before my departure...or not. I don't know, which is why I am warning you now of the eerie quiet to come. Okay, so maybe it won't be that dramatic.

Until the next time I have something to write! (or not...sometimes I just ramble...)