There have been a lot of firsts this year, and it is starting to scare me.
I have a facebook.
I have a credit card.
I have checks.
I'm going to college.
I am soon going to be a published author and earn money through my books.
I am learning how to drive.
Yet despite all this I feel like I am still a child, a child that has been thrust into this world of adulthood without her consent.
Don't get me wrong, I love going to college. I love being able to communicate with my friends both through facebook and my phone. I enjoy driving. I absolutely love the fact that I am almost a published author. Yet somehow, some small part of me is dragging its feet. Why do I have to grow up? I still feel so, so young. I still want to be young. I still love my basket full of stuffed animals, I love having sleep overs for birthday parties, I love reading Peter Rabbit...I love being a kid. I still feel like I am a kid. I don't feel grown-up, and yet all these things are starting to happen around me and it's freaking me out.
I still feel like I look at the world through a different lens than anyone else. I still see things in my fanciful child-like ways. Honestly, I don't want that part to change. Ever. I know I may sometimes be simplistic and naive and young. I see good everywhere and the simplest things make me happy. I trust like you wouldn't believe...like a small child, who loves you instantly, no questions asked. But Jesus told us to come like little children, right?
I don't know what I'm trying to get at here. I'm a little overwhelmed with "growing up" and I'm also coming to terms with who I am. The Gentle, The Child-Like. That's who I think I am. Maybe others see me differently though, I don't know.
I'm a little afraid of the "big" world out there, but I know God wants me to step out of my comfort zone and follow Him. And I know He'll lead me safely through the chaos.
Amanda I loved your post; you write so well. I completely understand the struggle. I also love how real your post was (not that any of your posts are fairy tale).ReplyDelete