Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Identity Crisis

It's October! Hurrah!

I love October. But then, I love every month. But October is the month of my birth, so it's extra special.

Dusty is deep in the editing process...

This is a process that tests my patience with every novel. But this particular book also brought about a little bit of an identity crisis.

I recently did a post about my identity being in Christ and not being defined by my stories or what people think of said stories. The last few weeks have been instrumental in teaching me to believe that with my heart, not just know it in my head and post it to a blog.

In general, with my writing, I get positive feedback. Almost always. I don't have a lot of experience with criticism. So when one of my beta readers told me that my book was basically too boring to read, I broke. There was an hour of tears and coming to the conclusion that my story was worthless. And then there was a whole day of "Why do I write anyway? This is stupid. I'm pathetic. I'm a failure."

And then there God, whispering to my heart.

"You are not your stories. You are more than that. You are my daughter. You are a princess, the child of the Most High God. You are not worthless. I created you in my own image, I clothed you with my righteousness."

Knowing something and believing are not the same thing. And I had a bit of a struggle with that for about a week. What is my real identity? What does truly define me?

I am a child of the Most High. His definition of who I am is what matters. Nothing else. Whether I write another story or not, doesn't matter. It doesn't change who I am.

And after finally accepting that truth, I sat down to do some revisions to my story. And it has gone beautifully. I'm loving my story all the more, I feel that I have grown in my writing as I apply the feedback I received. But more than anything, this experience has deepened my relationship with my Abba. Daddy. Constructive criticism is great for writing. Who knew it was also great for my walk with Jesus?

1 comment:

  1. Good post, Amanda! :) Though painful (I would be upset too! :( )I'm so glad that the criticism you received ended up spurring you on in your relationship with the Lord as well as using your gift of writing.


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